It is so clear throughout Scripture that God is concerned with our hearts. He doesn’t need us merely have behavioral changes or get everything right–He needs our heart to be changed and transformed. This is what we need to be after.
I often think about the difference between good and great. With behavior modification, some things in your life will change, and it could be good. But God is not interested in good or okay, He wants great. He wants wholeness. He wants freedom. Continue reading “Overcoming Behavioral Modification”
During my adolescent years I struggled with extreme insecurity that led me to seek approval from others. I quickly became a perfectionist and developed a serious eating disorder. The eating disorder controlled my entire life and took over my identity. 
I grew up in a Christian home and my family was very involved in our church, but I never really fit in very well at school. I got made fun of a lot and never really had friends. Once I got to high school, the abuse got to be too much, and I started cutting to deal with the pain. 
From a very early age, I struggled with my identity and comparing myself with others. I felt like I could never measure up which led to a deep self-hatred. I was angry with myself and my family and got heavily involved in substance abuse. 
I struggled with an addiction to alcohol for 13 years. I was in a deep depression and had no desire to live. I felt my life was empty and meaningless and I was angry with God. I was overwhelmed and did not see any way out of my despair when I heard about Mercy from a friend who knew a graduate of Mercy Multiplied. 
Over the past 18 years, I tried to find happiness through drugs, alcohol, food, cutting, and the approval of others. I saw myself as a failure and believed the enemy’s lies that everyone would be better off if I wasn’t “in the way.” I tried to commit suicide but was unsuccessful. For a year and a half I was in and out of treatment programs and was unable to complete a single one of them. 
Before Mercy, I had a lot of pain in my life. My parents fought a lot when I was little and my dad was very violent towards my mother and older siblings, including using gun threats. Eventually my parents divorced. I also lost my vision in my right eye when my sister accidentally shot me with a bb gun. As a teenager, I had a poor self-image and developed bulimia. 
I was physically and sexually abused from a very young age. By the time I was 13, I developed an eating disorder. While in high school, I started to self-harm, tried to commit suicide, and was in and out of hospitals and treatment centers. I eventually went to college, but one night at a party I was sexually abused by an older student. 
Before I was born, my birth father died of a drug overdose. My mom remarried and I was raised in a Christian family and went to church. When I was 7, I was diagnosed with ADHD and by age 9 I was put on medication. At age 10, my nephew died from SIDS and at the funeral, I saw my dad’s grave for the first time. 
Because of my relationship with my mom, I grew up having a hard time trusting women. I was constantly bullied at school and no one wanted to hang out with me. In the 8th grade I started self-harming as a way of escape. I was sick and tired of living a lie and wanted to get my life back when I heard about Mercy from a graduate. 
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